The Difficulty of Adult Social Life

I was talking to one of my best friends about how hard and sad the social life for adults begins to be. High school, college, and young adult communities are more spontaneous. In some ways… more thrilling. But then you grow older and have to work hard at community.

You go through a season of married life in a cave. You have young children and suddenly a trip to Target is the highlight of a week. My wife and I have sometimes forgotten what “adult conversations” are like. We sometimes have the kids stay quiet for 5 minutes at the dinner table just so we can have one. We have been so exhausted at the end of a week that it has been hard to enjoy a date. This is worse in seasons where we have let our schedules become too busy. We need margin.
Now we have to plan most of our social encounters — sometimes weeks in advance. A calendar notification pops up: “Breakfast with…” You have to drive 25 minutes to see your friends. Your relationship circles get smaller. This problem is much worse for singles or those in fledgling churches. Or those in areas of the country where friends are more geographically disparate.

Weekly scheduled time together with a few key friends — this is now the rhythm of social life. Occasional dates with my wife and, individually, with my kids. A walk to Dunkin Donuts! A bike ride around the block with a 7-year-old. A playful romp on the living room floor with my 1-year-old. This is gold. Worth more than diamonds.

Friendships that last don’t merely run on the gas of shared context or shared life-seasons or shared boredom. I have friends now that are 30 years older and 15 years younger than me. The local church — especially via non-Sunday-service meetups — is more and more central for communal life and relationship. Computer programming puts me in an amazing community with people that have very different backgrounds — we delight in what we work together on. Hockey connects me with really neat people. And through evangelism I get to meet people from around the world.

I wouldn’t want to go back to any of the earlier seasons. I remember being so afraid of being alone in high school. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself, “Everything is going to be OK. God will take care of you.”

And I should be grateful: my loneliest seasons have been formative for my relationship with God. I cried out to him and he answered. “I am continually with you; you hold my right hand… Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.” (Psalm 73:23, 25) I remember sweet moments of blasting this song in my car.

But there were social and relational perks to youth and young adulthood. One hope I have for the resurrection-community is being able to sit down with friends and say without any urgency, “So, what do you want to do today?”

To be fully known and truly loved

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

― Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

The Black Lab

Circa 2000

We’ve a small pup
A boisterous black lab with a
Bulging belly who can bonsaiii!
Blitz, bounce, and bluff in a game of tackle

By night she is blobbing her ohhh!
So sad puppy’s bewail, for she needs to
Trot a trip to the massive field (our backyard)
To take care of business

Hours later she is bustling again
For a bobble, bouting for kicks
Bumptious and brave in game
And hasty over eating her puppy-bites

Years will pass
She will become an expert botanist
A bullfrog and butterfly warrior
And a mighty guard for burglars and mailmen

For now, I smile watching her big bright eyes
Glimmer at the sound of her new
Best friends, the benevolent givers of
Breakfast

JavaScript Roundup (November 2014)

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Where superlatives go to be purified

I have learned to love hyperbole
To exaggerate purposefully
It is the language of love glowing
Bubbling, brimming, overflowing

And with a little two-word qualifier
I can take any superlative
Any galaxy
Any solar system
Any star
And fit it in my pocket

My wife is the best cook
In the universe
For me

My son is the smartest boy
In the galaxy
For me

My daughters are the sweetest little women
In the world
For me

But God is where all superlatives go to be purified
In the fire of literal perfection
Where all limiting qualifiers are stripped
Where all exaggerations become understatements
Where all poets speak as children
Before the un-exaggeratable
Most High

What is the Gospel?

God created the world good, but humanity plunged into sin. We deserve everlasting abandonment and punishment.

But the “Word became flesh and dwelled among us”, experienced suffering with humanity, and paid the price on the cross for humanity’s sin. Showing he was the true Son of God, and showing that his work was finished and his words were true, Jesus Christ rose from the dead. He even ate fish with his disciples.

Now, anyone who stops trusting in themselves or false gods, and instead trusts in Christ alone, is given the free and immediately-starting gift of eternal life, forgiveness, justification, rebirth, the indwelling Holy Spirit.

Their life begins anew and God transforms them to love their enemies and to forgive as they have been forgiven. Now they are to go throughout all the world declaring the authority and work of Jesus Christ, awaiting his return.

Notifying a Screenreader User in Browser Applications

According to the spec, aria-live “indicates that an element will be updated, and describes the types of updates the user agents, assistive technologies, and user can expect from the live region.” But if an element is rendered by JavaScript shortly after page load (even 25ms), or on a transition, then screenreaders will not reliably notice content added to it.

To be clear: aria-live is evidently useless for late elements.

The solution is to have two elements either outside the application root element, or immediately rendered in the application element, dedicated to both aria-live=”polite” and aria-live=”assertive”. You can populate these elements in a number of ways, but the important thing is that these elements are picked up by the screenreader almost immediately at page load.

Thanks to Ryan Florence & Aaron Cannon for bringing this to my attention.